


torture of the pine

by Missy3000



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Snowbaz - Fandom
Genre: Caught while masturbating, Fanfiction of a Fanfiction, M/M, Masturbating, Panic Attack kinda, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Frustration, Smut, a little awkward, a little stolen, am i good at this?, clumsy, little emo vampire, probably not, sex + magic, sexual awakening, shower masturbation, the rumor turns out: does Simon snow is gay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:20:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy3000/pseuds/Missy3000
Summary: “You mean to say that you saw me masturbating...and then started doing so... yourself,” I say slowly. Punctuating every other word with a pause, drawing them out. I can’t believe this. So he had his sexual awakening after he saw me jerking off? What is happening to my carefully calculated life?Baz always thought he was the only one thinking about his roommate while masturbating. But it turns out he isn't?Disclaimer: This story is originally from BasicBathsheba. And I just wrote the same thing out of Baz' Pov. So if you want to read this out of Simon's Pov read her story. (Also if you want to have a better version of this, read her story.)





	torture of the pine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BasicBathsheba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicBathsheba/gifts).
  * Inspired by [hunger of the pine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14620047) by [BasicBathsheba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicBathsheba/pseuds/BasicBathsheba). 



> Hey so again:  
> !!!DISCLAIMER!!!  
> So this story idea is from BasicBathsheba with the title "hunger of the pine", which is a really good story and probably better then mine. So I recommend reading that. A LOT!!!  
> Also, since I kinda copied her story, a lot of the sentences are from her, so I also recommend reading both stories in a row, to get a whole picture.  
> Anyway: I hope everyone who reads this, likes it.

Simon started this.  
He just had to laugh while the sun shined through the window, sitting on his bed, reading (he never does that) and making my gay ass suffer. Does he have to be so painfully beautiful?  
And then he went to sleep with no shirt on, the blanket only thrown over his legs. And I looked at him and the moles on his back and what it would be like to touch them, kiss them. To have my hands all over his body, to have him moan because of my touches. It was hot in the room. Sixth year just started and the summer was dry and sunny.  
I buried my face in my pillow and tried to ignore my boner. But my body moved and the friction caused me to moan. I mostly try to get rid of my hormones in the shower and when that is not possible I just try to be really quiet. At some time I just gave up and let myself give in. My breath picked up and I just kinda forgot that the very person I was thinking about, was in the room. The orgasm hit me before I expected it and for a second I just enjoyed the moment, dwelling in the after glow. “Oh fuck.”, I whispered and let my head sink into the pillow. Then I noticed the sticky wetness, sputtered awake and sat up. Disgusting! I kicked my sheets away and “Oh, Crowley.” For a while I just didn’t move. Simon made a smacking sound with his lips and I cursed him for being such a cute idiot. It was literal torture.  
I reached for my wand, spelled my bed clean and went, as silently as possible, to the bathroom. I had to take a shower. Sometimes I wonder how Simon gets off and what he thinks about. Probably Agatha or some girl with big boobs and I hate it. I mostly get rid of my arousal in the shower. With a soundproof spell, I make sure Simon doesn’t notice anything.  
I did that since fifth year, since I started having dreams about Simon and his beautiful face and lips and body and hands and me touching him.  
One time at the end of sixth year I forgot to close the door and the thought of Simon possible catching me makes everything worse.  
   
***  
   
It’s been harder to ignore my feelings since we started seventh year. With the war coming to a climax and my family pressuring me, looking at Simon just became more painfully.  
On days that I use the soundproofing spell, I am in there a hell of a lot longer than my usual thirty fucking minute shower. I am not sure if Simon notices. He is an oblivious moron most of the time, so I don’t think so. Sometimes when Simon and me are fighting for days back and forth I need to use the soundproofing spells everyday and I wonder if I get to obvious. And when I am under the water I imagine Simon, showering, naked, maybe touching himself. Sometimes I lay awake at night and try to search for signs if he even masturbates at all. When he shifts or makes sounds, but I never caught him. Maybe that was a good thing. I am not sure if I could have hold myself back, when I knew he was laying right next to me, his dick out.  
Simon and sex in my head are just linked and I don’t think that will ever change. When I look at him there is this hunger that is nothing like blood lust. It’s much more animalistic.  
I wonder what he would do if he knew what he, by just being there, can do to me. Maybe he would use it against me to finally bring me down. I would let him. Because I am weak like that.  
Simon started staring at me again in the middle of the school year, following my every move with his eyes. It hurts me, because when I look at him all I wanna do is throw myself into his arms ready to die and I know that when he looks at me he just thinks about killing me and going away, to live his bloody perfect life with his bloody perfect girlfriend. I hate him.  
***  
One day when I am getting back from training, he just sits on his bed, a book in his lap. He looks exhausted. I am too. Training was hard and I take my time to get rid of my shoes and socks. I reach into my wardrobe to get my fresh underwear.  
“Aren’t you showering?”, Simon says and it sounds more like a growl. A little confused I turn around and raise an eyebrow. For some reasons he seems angry and panicked.  
“Eventually, yes,” I respond, trying not to show my confusion and concern.  
He growls again and collapses back onto his bed in a dramatic, stretched out heap, a long, protracted sigh pulled out of him.  
I turn to stare at him, because I am weak and I can’t move my eyes away for a good moment. His ass is on full display, hugged tightly by his pants. His shirt has moved up and reveals a little of his skin. And that one mole right on his spine that I really want to kiss. 

I straighten my body and walk into the bathroom. With a quick mumble I soundproof the bathroom. I get rid of my clothes and step under the water. Relaxing under the cold and leaning against the wall. My dick is already hard, because Simon has that effect on me. So I tease myself for another second, keeping myself from touching my body. But then I give him. I imagine Simon being with me in the shower. I close my eyes and it is almost like he is touching me. I feel like a creep for using him like this.  
But then I hear a sound. I notice Simon’s voice immediately. It sounds like he is in pain or scared and I panic. Is something happening? But what could happen in our room? Maybe he is going off?  
As fast as I can I pick up my towel, barely drying my body and jumped into my clothes. Hair still dripping wet.  
And the picture I get when I step out of the bathroom. Simon lays on his bed, face buried into his pillow, his pyjama bottoms were down to his knees and his hand was on his cock, stroking down pretty fast and random. His breath is fast and he moans. He bloody moans. And it hits me. That he was wanking the same time I did. Did he know?  
But then he turns around. His eyes are glistening and I see a little bit of sweat on his forehead. Crowley, he is gorgeous. And then his eyes lock with mine. He freezes and I know I have been frozen in the bathroom door since I saw his ass naked. And now I have full view on his dick and Fuck me!  
For a moment we just stare at each other but then Simon starts to move and talk. Which really confuses me for a second.  
“Sorry, fuck, sorry,” He babbles, pulling at the blanket as he tries to tuck himself back into his pants. I see that it doesn’t really work. He is still rock hard and I have to swallow to stay calm.  
“Sorry, you usually take longer.”, he says. Wait, what? I raise my eyebrows and try to put together the pieces.  
“Do you wank while I’m showering?”, I ask and I know I don’t sound as cool as I want to be. But at least I don’t sound as aroused and confused as I actually am. His face is flushed and I just want to run back into the shower. Or kiss him, not really decided, yet.  
So instead I grab my towel off the back of my chair and dry my hair. I am trying so hard to be calm, trying to gain my poker face again, knowing that the picture of Simon jerking off will keep me up countless nights.  
“Great snakes, Snow, just do it in the shower like everyone else, instead of out here on display.”, I say. Also why are you doing this to me? And can I watch you next time? And what is wrong with me?  
Simon looks surprised.  
“You’re not going to kill me?”, he squeaks out. I look at him sideways.  
“For wanking? No?” I set the towel down and go back to my desk. Just be casual. I am trying “Crowley, it’s probably the only normal thing about you. There’s just no need to put on a show about it.”  
I gather up my jumper and boots, because I need something to do and also because I need to leave as quickly as possible.  
“I don’t know the soundproofing spell.”, he says quietly. I tense. So he knows, does he? But since when? And also that means he knew I was masturbating and then he masturbated at the same time?  
“What soundproofing spell?” I snap, and that monster of a cute boy almost rolls his eyes.  
“Come off it,” he growls, “I know. I accidentally opened the door on you once, so I guess we’re even now.”  
“You what?” I say and turn around instantly. He saw me? When? So he definitely knew that I was masturbating. What does that mean?  
“I had to pee and didn’t know you were in the shower, and my magic accidentally opened the door”, he explains. “It’s fine, like I said, we’re even now.”  
Even? I mean I didn’t know that he caught me and also I thought I was private.  
“Hardly,” I snap, “as you used magic to pick a lock and invade my privacy. You, however, were thrashing about in our shared bedroom, moaning so loudly I heard you through my spell. I came out because I thought you were finally dying.”  
He looks shocked, which I think makes us a little more even.  
“I’m sorry”, he says again and he looks sincere. “It’s just still sort of new and I didn’t realise, I—“ He pauses for a second “Won’t happen again.”  
I look at him, trying to figure this all out. This is all to confusing. I am talking about masturbating with my nemesis/crush and I don’t know how to handle it, which confuses me even more. I mostly know how to handle everything.  
“I’m going to regret this, but what do you mean ‘sort of new’?”, I ask, because I really wanna know.  
He brings his hand up to the back of his neck.  
“Uh”, he say. “I didn’t used to be able to do it. Because of magic stuff.”  
“Your magic kept you from orgasming?” I raise my eyebrows again.  
He nods. This is the worst conversation I’ve ever had.  
“Mostly it just destroyed stuff. So I...didn’t. Not worth it.” He sounds so insecure and I feel so sorry. I know that his magic is bothering him more then it helps him. It is too much for everyone, especially for him, but I never knew it kept him from being a normal teenager.  
“What changed?”, I ask before I think and worry if I am being intrusive. But on the other hand I just really want to know.  
He shrugs.  
“I’m older. After I— saw you, I guess — it seems so fucking easy for you, and I just got pissed and was like ‘I should be able to do that’ and then it just became a thing, but yeah, I can, uh, manage it now.”  
It changed after what?  
“You mean to say that you saw me masturbating...and then started doing so... yourself,” I say slowly. Punctuating every other word with a pause, drawing them out. I can’t believe this. So he had his sexual awakening after he saw me jerking off? What is happening to my carefully calculated life?  
“Well, fuck, when you say it like that, it sounds gay and really creepy. Sorry, that must make you massively uncomfortable,” he stutters.  
“It doesn’t.” That slipped out.  
“Oh”, he says “Well, uh, good. I’ll be sure to uh, stop doing it while you’re around. I should probably, uh, cut back anyway.”  
I just peer at him through the darkening room, unblinking. Being confused confuses me and also Simon confuses me and also my brain skips back to him half naked again and again. So I just stand up and leave. I need air.  
My feet just walked me to the catacombs, because that is where I normally go. Slowly I organized all the information I got in the last hour. Simon masturbates when I am in the shower, while knowing I am doing the same thing since he caught me once. Which basically means he is masturbating because I do. What is that supposed to mean? Am I arousing him? Is it because I am a boy? Is Simon gay? Or bisexual? Or is it because of me?  
I laugh bitterly at that thought. No matter what has happened, Simon will never be interested in me. But now I have the bittersweet memory of him in his bed, moaning and touching himself. I sit against the cold wall and just breath to calm down. I sort through my thoughts and then go for a hunt. I am hungry.  
***  
   
When I come back into the room I just sneak into my bed and fall asleep.  
In the middle of the night I get woken up by Simon making noises. I look over, ready to wake him up and scold him for being noisy. But when I look over I see him floating over his bed. I think he is crying, moving in the air and whispering something. In a second I am up and next to him. Now I can differentiate my name out of his mumbling.  
“Simon”, I say unsure if I should touch him. But he doesn’t wake up.  
“Simon”, I lightly shake him. Still no reaction. By now I am concerned. He looks kinda in pain and like he is possessed. His face is covered in sweat.  
“Simon!” My voice sounds desperate.  
Finally he wakes up with a jolt and crashes into the bed with a sickening thud. I look at him, glad that he is woken up, wondering if he is hurt.  
“What-“, he starts, but I don’t care. I am tired and concerned and angry.  
“You were levitating!”, I almost shout, “I woke up because I heard you thrashing and you were crying and literally levitating above your bed.” I am angry at him and I know that it is irrational. It is not his fault. “Normally I don’t wake you from your nightmares but you’ve never done that before, and I didn’t know what to do. Are you alright? Are you hurt?”  
I am babbling. I am bloody babbling.  
Simon sits up with a groan and shakes his head.  
“Wasn’t a nightmare”, he says, pushing back his sweat soaked blankets and swinging his feet around to the floor. I look at him, disbelieving.  
“You were breathing heavy and practically sobbing”, I snap. He avoids to look at me and I just wanna shake him and check if he is ok. “What the fuck goes on in your brain that you can fucking levitate in your sleep? Have you ever done a normal thing in your life?” I sound so angry.  
Frustrated by myself I run a hand through my hair. I am so ready to just yell at Simon, getting everything out and feel bad later.  
“It was a sex dream!”, he shouts and I freeze. “It was a fucking sex dream, okay? So just leave me alone! I can’t do anything or go anywhere or take care of any of this shit without you interrupting! Not even in my fucking dreams!”  
I take a step back. Simon is breathing heavy, from anger and frustration. But I am focused on something else.  
“You said my name. You said my name multiple times, I thought you were having a nightmare about...me.”  
He looks shocked. But then he seems to make a decision.  
“Yeah, you were there. Sorry, okay? Sorry that I’m horny! Sorry that inconveniences you!”  
“Are you saying you had a sex dream about me?” I ask, quietly. This means he is interested. Maybe even in me in particular. There is this pinch of hope I always suppressed that now comes floating up.  
“Yeah, alright? I did. You’re fucking linked with sex in my head and I’m fucking sorry. I know that’s super gay and whatever but you know what? I can’t help it. You said it yourself, it’s normal, so just do your fucking worst and hit me or something, because I’ve got no fucking control over this, and I’m about ready to fucking murder—”  
I just lunge forward and for a second he looks scared. But nothing can stop me right now. I grab him by the back of his neck and smash our lips together. But just for a second, because he is just frozen and I feel like I made a big mistake. So I pull away, shake my head. “What am I—“, I begin but before I can finish his sentence Simon grabs me and pulls me back. This is all I ever wanted.  
His lips are hot and burning and it is everything and nothing I ever expected. Simon kisses me and I notice that I have no fucking clue what I am doing. But he is doing this thing with his chin, tilting his head, capturing my bottom lip. I feel myself giving in, but that feels like loosing. So I match his force and push him a little and he presses back. This all feels so surreal. So surreal it is almost amusing and I am so happy I just start to laugh.  
His hands are clenched in my shirt and he tries to drag me closer when I feel the sharp sting. I wince a little and he stops.  
“Are you okay?” he whisper. His voice sounds is husky, too loud and too real. I nod, and he goes to kiss me again, but I can’t help but flinch and look down at the cross around his neck. He pauses for a moment, removes his hand from its iron grip around my waist and for a second I am scared that this is the moment he notices that he doesn’t want me and that this is all stupid. But he just pulls his cross off and it goes flying across the room. I relax and breathe. But he is so near, radiating with warmth and I let my hands sneak towards his hips and to his waist, stopping myself above his ass. When I pull him closer I can feel his boner pressed against my thighs. I gasp a little out of surprise. Simon lets his hand go through my hair and bites my lower lip and I am gone. He growls a little and walks me backwards. My back hits the wall and he is still kissing me and his hands are on my body and I can touch him.  
This is overwhelming and I don’t know how to handle it, which is new. Also I feel like this is a fever dream and it will all be over soon. And if that is the case I know I will loose my mind.  
“Simon, I- ”, I try, but he shakes his head.  
“What are you—“, I try again. He seems irritated.  
“Do you want me to stop?”, he asks and his breath tickles my jaw. I shake my head. “Then shut up.”  
And I do. I let myself get rid of concerns and logic. If I have this moment I will get the most out of it. I grip his arms and turn us around, so that he is against the wall. This is fifth year all over again, but real. My mouth wanders down his jaw and neck and I am tempted to let my fangs scratch his neck. But I don’t want to scare him away. So instead I lick the spot under his ear. I can feel him shiver and suck in his breath. I smirk a little. Simon buries his face in my neck and I can feel his tongue ghosting over my skin. I am rock hard. I need friction.  
“Tell me about the dream”, I say and grind into him. My breath is unsteady and fast. But Simon just shakes his head and lets his hand slide down to my ass. His other hand scratches over my back and for a second this is all I need. I press into him, but I am not about to give up.  
“Tell me.”, I demand and then suck lightly on his neck. He shivers and squirms a little.  
“Shower.”, he gasps out, “I was in the shower and you came in with me.” I picture it. The water, his hair dripping wet. I rock into him.  
“And then?” But I kiss him again and he can’t answer. I try to grind into him and kiss him at the same time. But there is only so much I can concentrate on.  
“You touched me.”, he whispers, and nuzzles his face into my shoulder. I can feel his hot breath through the fabric. We’re pressed against each other, our bodies tangled, but this feels like the most intimate thing I’ve done yet; his face pressed against my neck. Not kissing. Just breathing him in.  
He smells like smoke and magick, and like Simon and I love it. He continues: “Then you kissed down my back and got on your knees and—“  
I let my fingers wander over his skin, down to his torso, until I loop my fingers under the band of his pants. He stops talking. His breathing is short and fast and he gasps for air.  
“Can I?”, I ask cautiously. I don’t want to scare him away. But he just nods shortly. I can’t help myself and I smile and pull down his pants. His cock springs free and I am just dazed for a moment. A moan escapes my lips. Utterly embarrassing.  
“Will you—“, he gasps, pointing down. I would love to, but I have to shake my head. Instead I drag my lips across his collarbone.  
“No, I’m sorry, I would, but my teeth, and—“, I say, suddenly insecure. With this I am kinda admitting that I am a vampire. Something which could get me expelled or in the worst case killed. Or make him finally realize that I am the monster he always thought of me and leave. I would take getting killed over that.  
But he just presses his hips into mine again.  
“No, fangs, I got it”, he pants and kisses me. I just nod and lick over his bottom lip. That he knows about me feels so freeing. And also he doesn’t seem to care.  
“Can I do it then?”, he asks and my brain goes to being jelly. Not being able to talk, I just nod against his neck. Simon moves like he is on a mission. Quickly he pulls my clothes down, gets rid of my shirt and then just stares at me for a while. I would blush right now if I were alive. Simon just looks at me like he looks at sour cherry scones.  
He kisses my shoulder, and collarbone, and chest and further down. And it is sloppy and unplanned, but I shiver. He thuds against the floor, his lips still on my ribs and I am so surprised I have to laugh. He looks up at me and smiles, his eyes are glazed over a little and he looks breathtakingly beautiful. I smile back.  
He kisses my stomach and his lips are so close. I flinch. But then he goes lower and kisses my pubic hair. My dick is twitching and I just want to scream at him to get on it all ready.  
I don’t think he knows what he is doing, but he is kissing my inner thigh and my lower stomach and his breath is hot. His eyes are fixed on me and he is so beautiful, so bloody beautiful. I want this so much, I want him so much. And he seems to want me, too.  
And then he puts his hand on either side of my thighs and tentatively licks my cock. I gasp, the sensation is too good. Simon licks down my shaft and then over the slit. I can’t help bur clench my hands in his hair and buck forward. I need more.  
And Simon delivers. He takes me full in his mouth, purses his lips and starts to suck me off.  
I am so gay.  
He is sloppy and eager and random, but is it so good. The sensation is killing me and it gets painfully good. I try to keep still, but it is impossible. I groan and buck and thrust myself into his mouth, hoping he wont have to gag.  
By now I can’t control myself anymore. I thrust and the rhythm is off, but I don’t care. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes. My hands are still in his hair. I am probably smiling. This feels just so good, like floating. The light in the room makes Simon’s hair glow, and I just want to preserve this picture for ever.  
But I am getting close and I don’t want this to end. So I grab Simon by the shoulders and pull him up, crashing our lips together. There is precome on his tongue, but I don’t care. I just push him towards the bed.  
“How far do you want to go?” I am panting. He just shrugs, nipping at my shoulder.  
“As far as you want. I’ll take anything, I want everything.”, he whispers, giving me the rest.  
It is so unreal that I start laugh. Then I push him onto the bed. He lands a little awkward and is quick to re position himself. I let myself fall into his body, straddling him, our dicks touching. I clench my thighs together and press against him. Simon grunts and we are both so desperate, it’s pathetic. I chuckle.  
He looks so happy, so loving, so unrestrained. This is the boy I have been in love with for years now and I finally got him where I want him.  
Simon feels like everything.  
I slowly start grinding against him and he grunts. Fuck, this feels so good.  
“Are we going to?”, he starts, “Are you going to— should I turn over or—“ He is adorable. He has definitely never done this before. I shake my head and laugh.  
“Crowley, no, not tonight.”, I say and kiss his shoulder. I notice a second later that this implies there is gonna be other nights. And bloody hell, I hope so.  
“But I want to get you off, and I want to look at you while you do. Just...move.”  
He does.  
We set an awkward rhythm, both trying to fight for the beat, our hips rolling against each other. My hands are braced against the pillow on either side of his head, and his hands are holding my ass as I rock against him and he groans and I groan because this feels so fucking good. This is so intimate and unreal. But it feels like this is something huge, something momentous, like I’ve taken the universe by the shoulders and I never want it to end. Just me and Simon in this room and the rest of the world can go away.  
Simon kinda hooks his leg around me and keeps moving. My hands are gripping his arms and I might be hurting him. But I can’t really focus on that right now. I am falling apart.  
There’s sweat everywhere and stale breath. Every time our stomach slap together it makes a weird noise and I can’t help but laugh at it. Simon is going faster and faster, pushing his hips into mine and the friction is higher and higher. I grunt and he kisses his neck. My body is vibrating.  
“Come on, Baz, don’t let me win.”, he whispers. I am so close  
“I’m going to—” I says, but I can’t even finish my sentence before I shudder and come. I bite my lips and look down on him. On Simon. I feel so good. I feel so bloody good.  
Simon kinda slows down, but I don’t want him to be stuck with his boner. And also I don’t want to let him go.  
So I flip us quickly and grab my wand. I mumble a lubrication spell and look at him again. He looks so curios and cute.  
“Put yourself between my thighs and keep going.”, I instruct and he complies, sliding between my thighs and between my cheeks. It is a kinda weird position, but he looks happy.  
“Keep going.”, I whisper and put my arms around his neck, face pressed into his cheek. “Come on you absolute nightmare, you gorgeous, incredible thing, keep going.”  
He keeps rocking, he keeps going, but it’s not the frenzied push we used to get me off. It’s slow, gentler, because these drawn out movements where our lips come together and I move below him. This feels like so much more then just pure want and lust, this feels like love and everything I ever wanted. Simon as always everything I ever wanted and I still can’t believe he is mine. Maybe just for now, maybe not for long, but right now he is mine.  
I grasp his back and pepper his shoulders and neck with slow kisses, moving up to his jaw, cheeks, lips. But then I pull back and wrap my arms around his waist and just stare at min. Our eyes are locked as he keeps pushing against me.  
It is far more gentle then I ever expected us to be. In my fantasies we were always wild and it was like a fight, ending with someone bleeding. Because that’s how me and Simon interacted. In fights and harsh words and wounds. But this is just sweet and intimate and so much better then fighting. This is more then just mindless fucking. At least it is for me.  
He is so gentle now and I kiss his cheek, and stroke his hair and whisper little sweet nothingness in his ear. Simon looks at me like I am something precious, he is so careful, like I am a piece of art, or something worth protecting. I am in awe and I am close to crying, because this is to perfect for me to handle. And I feel overwhelmed, but I wish we could keep going forever.  
I am happy. I am so happy.  
It’s a dream come true. And maybe this turns out to be more, maybe we will not just go back to ignoring each other and fighting. Maybe in the end no one dies.  
Simon pushes against me and presses kisses to my shoulder. My hands come up and I wrap them around his neck. I could snap it, I could drain him. But I won’t. I won’t hurt him. I never wanted to.  
Simon looks at me puzzled, like he realized something new, still rocking against me. I can feel his magick sizzling and it smells a little bit like smoke. In a flash of a second I notice what’s going on. He is about to go off. He has stopped moving and I am a little scared, so I pull away a little and put my hands on his face, cupping his chin and brushing the damp curls out of his face.  
“Simon?, I ask, but he doesn’t answer. The air is tingling.  
“Simon?”, I ask again. I have to do something. So I pull myself out from beneath him and sit up, so I can have a better look at him, never letting go of him. “Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Are you going off?”  
He nods, seemingly not able to speak. I pull him into my lap and I am hugging him. “Just breath, Love, just listen to my breath. Just breath like me. It is going to be ok.”, I plead.  
“Take it.”, he whispers and his body begins shaking. And then I feel a push and suddenly my body is tingling all over, like it is on fire, like I am burning, like I am in heaven.  
I don’t even notice falling back onto the bed, my arms still tight around him, pulling Simon down with me. Everything is bright and beautiful and I feel like I had multiple orgasm at the same time.  
As I finally open my eyes, I see the universe. Our room has vanished and we are surrounded by pulsating stars and galaxies.  
I start to laugh so hard my whole body starts to shake.  
“Simon, look.”, I whisper. He pulls himself off of me and turns over to fall on the bed next to me. He looks up at the swirling galaxies. I reach out, trying to touch them, but they’re not actually close enough to touch.  
“It’s all the constellations you have on your body.” I breath. He glances sideways at me and I turn around to stare at him, just because I can. I am giving myself to him, here and now. I am tired and happy and I need him and I love him. I hope we will never go back to being enemies.  
Simon seems a little wrapped up in his thoughts. His brows are a little furrowed.  
“Are you gay?” he asks quietly and takes my hand.  
“Completely. You?”  
He traces the lines of my knuckles and shrugs. The stars around us are slowly fading away. Simon isn’t; he is still here.  
“I’m going to guess a bit, yeah.”  
That makes me laugh, because it is so Simon.  
This is terrifying. It is all so new and it is still terrifying. But he wanted me. He wants me; I can tell from the way he’s still here, still calm, letting me hold his hand. I’m wanted.  
He looked at me like I am more then a monster, more then a snobby vampire, more than a failure. He looks at me like I am so hero and I just want to tell him how much he means to the world, how much he means to me. But not right now.  
“Are you okay?”, I ask quietly, because he did just go off and he looks exhausted.  
He nods.  
I nod. I know he can see it.  
“What…What did you do?”, I ask, because I am still not entirely sure.  
“I don’t know.” His voice merely a whisper, “I thought I was going to go off. It was too much, I was feeling too much, and I had excess and I just…gave it to you.” He starts to sound panicked. “Are you okay? Did it hurt?”  
I breath out.  
“Baz”, he says again. Insistently. “Did it hurt?” He sounds so worried. I am embarrassed. I don’t want to tell him how bloody good it was.  
“I don’t want to hurt you”, he whispers. There’s more to it. More unsaid. I know.  
So I hug him and pull him close, cradling him, pulling his face in the crook of my head. I run my hands through his hair. It’s sweaty. I am sweaty. I’m disgusting. He’s disgusting. Everything is moist and sticky and smells too sharp.  
“It felt amazing. It felt better than any orgasm I’ve ever had,” I finally say, breathing out through a laugh. “Crowley, Simon. You’re amazing.”  
I feel giddy. Worn our, warm, happy, drunk. Simon drunk.  
“I like you when you call me Simon”, he says suddenly and nuzzles his face against my neck. I just hold him tighter.  
“Simon.”, I say. And he smiles.  
We grow quiet. I don’t know what to say, and I guess he doesn’t either, but it’s good. We’re not speaking. We’re not thinking. I like it. At some point I roll over to my side and he follows, keeping his arms around my waist and curling into the hollow of my back. He is warm. So, so warm.  
I want this. All of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave a comment or kudos if you liked it. Or if you don' leave criticism in the comments as well.  
> Also again read the original story!!  
> Have a good day!  
> -Missy


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